Signs someone may be struggling
- Pulling away from friends, plans or things they used to enjoy
- Changes in sleep, eating, energy or how they look after themselves
- Seeming flat, irritable, anxious or tearful more than usual
- Drinking or using other things more to cope
- Saying things like “What’s the point?” or “Everyone would be better off without me”
How to start the conversation
Choose a private, unhurried moment: a walk, a drive or a message works well, because there’s less pressure. Be specific and kind:
- “I’ve noticed you seem a bit low lately. How are you really doing?”
- “You don’t have to talk, but I’m here if you want to.”
- “I care about you, and I wanted to check in.”
If they don’t want to talk yet, that’s okay. Let them know the door stays open, and check in again.
Listen more than you speak
Good support is mostly listening. Give them your full attention, let silences sit, and reflect what you hear: “That sounds exhausting.” Resist jumping to advice or your own story; ask, “Do you want ideas, or do you just need to vent?”
Things that help
- “That sounds really hard.”
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “You’re not a burden.”
- “What would help right now?”
- “I’m here, and I’ll check in tomorrow.”
Things to avoid
- “Just think positive.”
- “Others have it worse.”
- “You’ll get over it.”
- Taking over or fixing everything
- Promising to keep a secret that puts them at risk
Help them find more support
Gently encourage them to talk to a doctor or counsellor, and offer practical help: finding a number, booking an appointment, or going with them. Peer support can help too; communities like AURA let them talk to people who have been through something similar.
If you’re worried about their safety
If you think they might be thinking about suicide, ask them directly: “Are you thinking about ending your life?” Asking does not put the idea in their head; it shows you can handle the answer and often brings relief.
- If they are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number, and stay with them if it’s safe to
- Help them contact a 24/7 helpline, together if they want
- Remove access to things they could use to hurt themselves, if you can do so safely
- Don’t promise to keep it secret; involve others who can help
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone can be draining. You can’t be their only support, and you don’t have to have every answer. Share the load with others, keep doing things that refill you, and talk about how you’re feeling too.